Operation DUMBO

Read previous post before continuing… PLEASE

The giant screen displayed a photograph, which evoked audible gasps from all people in the room

.

“It’s the crazy guy, Prazy!” someone shouted, admist the buzz in the huge room.

The president said nothing, but continued looking at the manic smile in the photo.

“Yes, indeed.” said General Bullpit. “He has been in our radar for close to a year. We suspect he has been involved in nefarious activities, spreading false rumours about us through his Waistline Today editions, and trying to instigate our allies against our policies and influence in the east world countries. He has also been charged with kidnapping US citizens and torturing them with his banging-head-on-desk PJs. Mr.Nikhil Kulkarni was kidnapped by him two months ago, and subject to unspeakable violence to weed out as much information from him about the US.”

“What the hell? I am gonna kick his ass!” The president turned to his left, to see the oversmart Tom Cruise pound his hand on the desk. “I will take my jet to India, skydive to Bangalore, and give him a good reception in his hideout.”

“Shut up, moron!” the president said angrily. “This ain’t a goddamn movie, and I will make sure your butt is roasted if you try any more showboating and tomfoolery. You just stick to ur movies and your Katie Holmes, and leave the handling of the REAL THING to us.”

Tom Cruise slunk further into his chair, wishing the earth would swallow him. The president was satisfied with his choice of words, and adjusted himself comfortably in his seat. He turned to General Bullpit. “This is really bad, but did you say he returned from a meet?”

“Yes,sir. A meet with his partners-in-crime - all wanted by FBI, CBI,CIA,Mossad, MI5, KGB and every damn covert intelligence agency. We used one of our super telescopic satellite cameras to get a photo of the attendees of the meet. The photo was not fully clear, considering the distance from earth, but we managed to identify almost all the members.”

Another press on the remote, and the screen became blank.”I had my people painstakingly identify each perp, and gather crucial information about each of them. We have managed to identify most of them, and are still doing research on the unknown ones. I have given their profiles in brief.” The screen was now filled with a single box having a photograph, and information about the criminal. Each subsequent click of the button displayed a different box.

Name: Rajesh Balakrishnan Codename: rb Wanted for hacking and stealing confidential information from secure cricinfo database. Also had a role in disabling 3 secret agents for life, with a single dose of statistics and PJs with wordplay.

Name: John Wesley Codename: wneo Involved in the kidnapping of Nikhil Kulkarni. His biggest weapon is his yell whenever he cannot understand a PJ – so loud that 2 of our american interns in Infosys suffered from severe ear damage.

Name: Nimish Batra Codename: nb42 Has expertise in spamming wherever he goes- be it internet, house or FC. A spy in India even blamed Nimish for spamming the Bangalore weather, causing unpredictable changes in the weather. He is one of the few who knows the answer to life, the universe and everything – not good because the US alone is supposed to know everything.

Name: Himabindu Kondoju Codename: binduk Bindu is the harbinger of change – she was arrested for trying to change everything in every place she went, including the government. Also has hacked into some government databases and replaced vital information with poems and crap talk.

Name: Karuna Ballal Codename: KayB Known by the dreaded name “the grin reaper”. Has a smile instead of a scythe this time. Known to charm valuable secrets out of captured agents. Also suspected of being a part of the ‘Great Chocolate Heist’, where 100 crates of swiss chocolate were stolen from the biggest chocolate shop in Geneva.

Name: Harsha Hulageri Codename: harsha Specializes in structured pro-castration. Many captured agents have disappeared for life, thanks to his expertise. He is also believed to train new criminals in the latest weapon technology(like chrome subautomatic, firefoxer) in Java(Indonesia).

Name: Pavithra Reddy Codename: None Known in some criminal circles as “The Page 3 girl”, Pavs has been wanted by the Indian police in connection with stealing old valuable motorcycles after conning their riders into taking her for a ride in late nights.

Name: Manas BN Codename: None Works in conjuction with Pavithra to steal old fashioned motorbikes and sell them to rich buyers in China and Japan. Also has knowledge of the latest motorbike technology and may be aware of the special prototype being developed in our secret lab.

Name: Thejesh GN Codename: thej One of the brains behind the espionage attacks in Rome and Paris, where he captured snaps of our secret meeting with the French Ambassador, despite stringent security measures. Headed for Helsinki soon, but motive not yet know. Suspect target is Nokia factory.

Name: Rinil George Codename: rinil Was responsible for the depleting coconut stock in Phlippines and Hawaii, by smuggling huge hordes of coconut to Kerala for making coconut oil, since the coconut trees in Kerala were already extinct!

Name: Ruchi Sahota Codename: Ruch Wanted for embezzling cash from major banks in the US by hacking into their secure database using nothing but her cellphone GPRS, and distributing the cash to flood hit areas in Bihar and West Bengal. Called the ‘female robin hood’ by her co-conspirators.

Name: Pankaj Baruah Codename: None Pankaj has been responsible for the demand exceeding the supply in the Indian market, by purchasing almost all apparels for himself. He has been tried in court for this misdemeanour, but has continued to plunge the Indian market into sinking depths.

Another click on the remote.

A murmur rose through the crowd again. “Batman is also part of the criminal gang eh?” someone quipped.

General Bullpit hurriedly pressed the button, and glared at another girl next to Alicia. “Martha, I told you to check the preparation thoroughly before giving it to me! Silly girl!” he said angrily, as laughter punctuated the air. Tom Cruise looked at the screen in shocked silence, a twinge of jealousy striking his heart. Damn, that Bale guy has captured more hearts than I did. Gotta do something about it.

“Sorry general!” said the girl, head bowed down. She whispered to Alicia “Damn! I was drooling over Christian, and must have mistakenly copied his pic to this presentation. Now the president knows I am a big fool.” she said with a sigh. The laughter had died down by now, and everyone’s attention was directed to the monitor again.

Name: Praveen R Codename: tvmcrusader Also called “onion cutter”.A huge fan of rock music, but ironically was one of the renegade marines who seized Alcatraz Island(the Rock) and planned the biological attack on US . He managed to escape from the clutches of Sean Connery, and is now in hiding, believed to be writing propaganda songs.

Name: Ravikiran Atluri Codename: None The ‘ravisher’ is one of the best disguise artists in the world, and has been in several covert operations in different parts of the world, but most of his activity has been concentrated in Canada. His real face is never known, but this is one of his usual disguises.

Name: Shailen Dalbehera Codename: shailen Wanted in connection with scaring ladies in buses, but is more recognized for his contribution to enemy intelligence by designing simple user interfaces but adding state-of-the-art tool to tap into potential hotwire communication systems in other countries.

Name: Venugopala M.G.Rao Codename: None The invisible man, whose actions are far reaching. Known to wreak havoc in discussion forums, after the secure information has been rendered accessible by his team of hackers. He can never be traced, and no one knows what he looks like and his previous history, but the name V.M.G.R sparks respect among enemies and friends alike.

Name: Vinay Raikar Codename: vsr Was arrested for keeping ‘python’ in office. The snake nearly ate up two of his teammates, including his manager.Developed a hacker software called Nomad, and toyed with the SSN database and MI5’s intelligence data, before he fled to escape Interpol.

“Groan! So many wanted people? Why the hell are they still scot free, Bullpit?” grumbled the president, rubbing his eyes. His head was spinning, and he felt the urge
to go to the restroom now.

“Sir! This is as far as we got, regarding known ones. There are some unknown ones who attended the meet. We have just found out their identity, but don’t know their motives and why they are in the meet.” Bullpit continued pressing the remote button. “The new faces!” he announced.

	GloriaSusan Pinto
	Achamma Puthoor
	Balaguru Shanmugam
	Sagar Arora
	Manoj CV
	Mohith R
	Twinkle Joseph
	Bettina Chacko

General Bullpit continued “Mr.president, we have drawn up a contingency plan for this new threat. We are trying to assess the purpose of the covert meet. I have ordered that our available satellites keep track of Prazy’s movements, and we have placed our moles in Infosys to ferret out more details. All we need from you is permission to go ahead with the operation, which we have christened “Operation DUMBO”.

“Heh?” asked one of the bigwigs, scratching his bald head.

“DUMBO – Deal with Undercover Meetings of Blogging Occult” Bullpit said with a flourish, his nose pointed up. He turned to the president, waiting for a response from the latter, hands on his fat waistline.

“Well. General, I am impressed with your team’s hard work. But first make sure the US is not in any way linked with this operation, should it fail to prove anything significant. It’s not my idea, so you will be held accountable for this DUMBO thingy. You have the green signal now!”

“Thanks, Mr.President.” the general curtsied, and crossed his arms, seemingly satisfied with his session.

The president got up and walked calmly with Wayne to the exit. The steel doors opened for him, and once he had stepped out of the room, he whispered hurriedly to his bodyguard. “Wayne. Where’s the restroom? I can’t hold it in my stomach any longer.”

One of the guards came up to the duo. “Mr.President, I know the way. Please follow me.” The trio then exited the curving hallway, walking fast across a huge hall. They took one of the doors at the other end of the hall, and arrived at a room with the ‘male’ sign on the door. They went inside, where Wayne and the guard waited while the president went inside one of the toilets.

Wayne walked over to the wash basin, proceeding to wash his dull and tired face. He didn’t notice the other guard sneak up behind him, and before he could turn around, the guard smashed the butt of his automatic on the back of his neck, and he slumped down.

The guard smiled at his handiwork, and returned his attention to the toilet where the president was seated. A gurgling noise emanated from within, causing him to grimace in disgust. His gloved fingers reached out under his shirt collar, and he lifted the mask from his face. The disguise was very good, and he was proud of his handiwork.

Ravisher smiled as he waited for the president to come out. The laxative in the president’s drinking water had worked. He had to give credit to his sorority’s intelligence in using the meet as a decoy to lure the president to pentagon, and then take care of the rest. No one can beat the InfyBloggers in their own game!

Disclamier: No presidents and bodyguards were harmed in the story. None of the bloggers have a criminal record.

P.S. Sorry for the very long read. But it was fun drafting the whole thing up.
P.P.S. I do not have any idea about the new bloggers, so i have not added their crime information. Don’t mistake me
P.P.P.S. Do you know how I came up with the names Nicole Razzcode and Roger Basett?

Code rabbit

The boxer threw a left hook at his opponent, and the collision of gloved knuckles on exposed chin nearly knocked off some teeth from the latter as he fell to the ground with a mighty thud. He skipped backwards, his gloved hands still held in a boxing stance, watching his adversary with bated breath. Would the latter get up before the referee counted 10? To his chagrin, he saw the bloodied man stand up on shaky legs, using the ropes to leverage his balance. After the referee had checked with his opponent to continue the bout, he moved forward to face him again, and another round of dodging and quick cuts ensued.

Then out of the blue, he heard a loud sound which reverberated through his ears. He paused for a second, looking for the source of the sound. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, the other guy threw a mighty uppercut at him. Two seconds later, he was on the ground, disoriented and bloodied in the face. 1,2,3..8,9,10 – he vaguely heard the referee shouting them out, but his mind was elsewhere.

“Damn damn!” he muttered through his clenched teeth, tightly clutching the gameboy in his pale white hands. “What is it, Wayne? I lost a boxing match because of you. I told u to knock the door before coming in!”

The athletic sandy haired man in front of him watched him silently, trying to suppress a sigh of exasperation and bemusement.

“Ok? What is it, Wayne?”

“We have a situation, Mr. President.”

“Wait. I am THE PRESIDENT?”

“Yes, sir!” Wayne rolled his eyes in bewilderment.

The president looked at the white ceiling for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed, stroking his chin. “Oh yeah, my bad!” he said. Then his eyes fell on the gameboy in his hands. Mentally he formed the headlines “World’s most powerful man found playing gameboy in oval office, White House.” Well, nothing of that sort would ever happen – his PR department was the best in the world, and twisting words were child’s play to them.

His mind focussed on the issue at hand. “What’s the matter, Wayne?”

“Sir. Nicole Razzcode requests you to be present at the Pentagon. General Bullpit has uncovered some startling information that could indicate a serious threat against the United States of America. She asked me to say the words – Code Rabbit.”

Code Rabbit. This was not good news. This meant an attack on a huge scale, that all eminent personalities would have to take refuge in the underground cellars, like rabbits escaping from predators. And the worse thing was, he himself was the most eminent person. In the US. In the world. In the spoofs and parody section too, he thought with a bitter taste in his mouth.

“All right, Wayne. Let’s go.”

“This way, sir. The chopper is ready.” Wayne then spoke into his earpiece, checking all security measures along the path the president was to take to the helipad. “All clear. We are on the move now, sir.”

15 minutes later, the escort arrived at pentagon, and the president was accosted to an intimitating gray building, with heavy steel doors guarding the entrance, and with number keypads for the access code next to every door. He was met by the secretary of state, Nicole Razzcode and the secretary of defense, Roger Basett at the entrance. Nicole punched in a combination in the number lock, and the huge steel doors slid open, revealing a curving corridor, lined with shiny walls. Cameras were situated at strategic positions along the route to keep track of the entire stretch of the walkway.

Baxter Harris, the president, found the walk uncomfortable, being surrounded by heavily armed black suited men behind,and a creased line faced Roger on his left and Nicole,with a grim look on her face, to his right. Damn, why did I agree to be the president? he thought. I should have been fishing on Harry’s creek, sharing jokes with Harrison Ford(former president and his best buddy). Here I am stuck with people who forgot how to smile, and tell me all the problems of the world, rather than what is relevant to our country. Sheesh!

The congregation arrived in a large room, where the walls were covered with computer monitors and televsion screens. In the centre was a long rectangular metal table, and the rest of the top brass in the White House were already seated. All were wearing the navy blue ‘costumes’ of the military, decorated with stars and stripes and all objects which they believed someone would give a damn about. One big guy was even adorning an earring in his right ear!

“Rise. The president has arrived.” Roger shouted loudly, startling Baxter. The congregation seated at the table stood up, removing their caps.

“Damn you Roger. Watch where you speak!” Baxter grumbled, fingering his left ear, his left eye closed,  keeping the right eye open.

“Sorry, Mr. President.” Roger lowered his face in embarassment.

Baxter took his seat at the end of the table, and he scrutinized the faces in front of him. He recognized the Chief of Staff, the CIA director, the Commandant of Marine Corps, Tom Cruise, the Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence… wait, Tom Cruise? What the &^%$ was Tom Cruise doing in such an highly classified and top secret meeting?

Baxter beckoned to Wayne, and spoke as his bodyguard bent down to hear him. “Wayne, how did Tom Cruise land here?” he whispered.

“Sir. It was you who instated him into the cabinet. You were impressed with his Mission Impossible movies, and with his war strategy and sword skills in the Last Samurai. You believed his grasp of latest weapon technology would give our military force an edge.”

Baxter recollected how drunk he was when he had told the good for nothing actor to join White House, but he let go of the thought. The truth would be easy to tweak, as usual. “Well, it’s time to replace him. How about Chuck Norris? Heard a lot of folklore about him. Anyway, time is running out.”

He redirected his gaze to the rest of the crowd. “General Bullpit, what’s the latest problem now?”

A murmuring went through the lines of men and women at the table, as they waited for General Bullpit, the Chief of Intelligence to stand up. A minute passed by, but the general was no where to be found. The president was tapping his fingers on the table, feeling bored with every passing second. He threw a sly look at Nicole Razzdale shuffling papers on the desk, and wished her face was as good looking as her long shapely legs. A gleam suddenly came in his eye. If I can get Tom Cruise into the White House, then I can have Scarlett Johansson replace Nicole too. Wow! Imagine the hottie on my side all the time….

His reverie was disturbed as a red faced General Bullpit stormed into the room, and he came to the opposite end of the table, pressing his pudgy hands on the edge, panting for breath.

“Sorry, Mr. President. I think i had too many donuts today.” he raised his hands in an apologetic gesture.

The president waved him on. He didn’t want to hear about the General’s exploits in the restroom, in case that was next on the General’s mind.

General Bullpit took a remote from the table, and pressed a button. The projector came to life, displaying a satellite image of India. “Sir, we received intel at 06.33 am on our recon satellites, which is roughly 5.05 pm in Indian time. It appeared to be harmless data, but one of our staff did more analysis on the stuff, and we have uncovered something else.

Another press on the remote zoomed in on the satellite image of India, narrowing the field of vision continually, revealing Karnataka , then Bangalore, and then on an obscure spot on the map, marked with a red dot. “This is a place in a city called Banngalore, in a state called Karnnnataka in Inndia”, Bullpit said in a nasal twang, pointing to the target region with a red laser light. It houses many software industries in Bangalore, and is also home to the famous Infosys campus.”

Baxter straightened in his chair, and crossed his legs. “Ok. So what about Infosys?”

In response, Bullpit zoomed further, zeroing in on the Infosys campus. A huge circular structure was now visible on the big screen, as everyone craned their necks to get a better look. “This”, said Bullpit, ” is Terminal, the one of the food courts at Infosys.”

“I hope you are not using our satellites to find chocolate donuts in India, General.” Roger said with a smile. The other men chuckled in laughter, as Bullpit became red with embarassment and fury.

“Silence!” Baxter thundered, and a disconcerted quietness immediately filled the room. “Carry on, General.” he said, throwing a glowering stare at Roger, who began to fidget his hands nervously.

“We know its just a normal foodcourt, but Alicia’s quick eye spotted something.” he tilted his head towards a lady in her early thirties, standing against the wall on the president’s right. The president nodded at her in acknowledgment, and the woman gushed with pleasure. “We found a guy who has been on our wanted listed for quite some time.” Bullpit continued gravely. “What was even worse, was that he had just left from a meeting.”

Baxter had to give it to the General; though Bullpit sounded odd for a name, this man certainly knew how to avoid bullshitting superiors. He was always to the point.

With a grave face, the general now pressed another button on the remote, and a magnified photo appeared on the giant monitor. The sight of the person invoked audible gasps from some of the staff members, as the president stared at the enlarged photo, his mouth twitching in silence.

To be continued